Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My Life As A Woodpecker

woodpecker
Yesterday I was meditating when the silence was suddenly broken by the distinctive drilling of a woodpecker against the metal grate on our chimney ... D.d.d.d.d.d.d.d ... listening ... D.d.d.d.d.d.d ... listening ... silence.

My first reaction was frustration followed quickly by realizing I was "in the moment."

I started to marvel a bit about woodpeckers - what strange and interesting creatures.

I don't know about you but I find woodpeckers incredibly optimistic.  In a world filled with bugs ... I mean ... literally brimming over with bug mass ... woodpeckers choose to attack hard objects with sharp protrusions on their skull in the hope of hearing a bug.

If they actually hear a bug they go after it even harder.  Optimistic!

Then I started to see similarities between the woodpecker and my life.

Many times I get so caught up in my personal drama that I fail to look up and see all that is already available and ready to be appreciated.

I muddle along doing "my thing" when some event catches my attention.  Usually it is something where the Universe fails to accommodate one of my desires.  I double down.  I start lots of strategies to make the outcome, MY desired outcome.  My attention becomes even more locked ... D.d.d.d.d.d.d.d ... I totally separate Self from Not-Self.  I've repeated this pattern for years so you'd think the lack of satisfaction with the process would have sunk in.  Optimistic!

Eventually, separations run out of steam or get replaced by the next separation ... but what's really cool is that some percentage of the time I practice observing the separation while it's occurring.  It might still try to run its course but with less steam and shorter duration and more understanding.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

I also published this entry in my Sangha's blog located here:
http://corvalliszencircle.com/2014/07/31/life-woodpecker/


Monday, July 7, 2014

Zen is like Allergy Shots

painful shotAbout a decade ago I took allergy shots.  It turns out I was allergic to nature...go figure.
The way allergy shots work is they mix up a special cocktail of the things you are allergic to and inject you with this allergen soup in increasingly powerful doses to train your immune system to respond appropriately.

My natural reaction to getting a shot is to tense my arm muscles.  It's not a conscious tensing...it "just happens" at the approach of a sharp needle.  Of course when you tense, the shot hurts a lot more.  By about the 3rd week of 3 shots per week I could consciously de-tense my arm and barely feel the shot.

Most of the real work was going on internally.  There was no conscious activity, but my body was working hard to develop an ability to handle the allergens.  My warm skin and sleepy disposition were the indicators that things were proceeding as expected.

So how does the tie to Zen?

If you are like me we bump through life in a semi-conscious fashion.  Then an issue pops on the scene.  Maybe I have an argument with a friend or co-worker; or, I get in a wreck; or, I lose my job; or my partner leaves me..."the needle".  I tense emotionally.  I tense physically.  But that's not the end of it.

The real activity goes on internally as I mentally churn about how "I'm right" and "their wrong"...and I churn and I churn.

Like the needle, I can practice "de-tensing" when issues arise.  This practice starts by recognizing the reason I tense is because I'm not willing to accept the situation.  The world is one way.  I want it a different way.  I tense.  I have separated myself and reality in the present moment.

Then the churning starts as my ego's defense mechanisms kick into gear.   When I'm paying attention the next part of my practice also turns on...continually bringing awareness to the thoughts of anger and frustration...labeling these thoughts as "just thoughts"...just my thoughts...not something that is real to rest of the world.  Eventually awareness dissipates the waves of ego emotion.  The separation collapses on itself.  I smile again...and the more I practice the more I'm able to handle the allergens of life.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

(I also published this entry in my Sangha's blog located here:  http://corvalliszencircle.com/2014/06/30/zen-is-like-allergy-shots/ )

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Compassion means Compassion

I found myself stuck in mental churn.  An acquaintance jumped to a bunch of erroneous conclusions about me and let me have it with both barrels through an email.

Auto-ego took over with lots of defensive thoughts.  I churned on this for quite some time.  I observed myself churning on this for quite some time...but my ego just could not let go.  Until I started to remember one of my vows...discovering compassion and loving kindness with all.

I realized that I couldn't simultaneously be defensive and compassionate.  The defensiveness slowly drained away...mostly...but I find I need to remind myself of this each time that defensive routine tries to take over.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Working with My Ego

Befriending My Ego
Befriending My Ego
When I first started Zen one of the 1st aha's was all this ego stuff going on.  All of a sudden my motivations for everything seemed sooo self-centered.  I want this...I want that...I want things to go my way...AND...I get varying degrees of mad when they don't.

The mad can be so short that it doesn't really register if you're not paying attention, or it can really take over and create major mental churn.

I started to pay more attention (something I'm still working on.)  When I'm "present" (Zen for being aware of the mad) I started to visualize what my ego looked like.  Now in a non-dual, you've got your full Zen on, world this picture doesn't make sense because it carries the connotation of "bad"...But it makes me smile...it gives me some perspective...and it allows me to be friends with my ego.  And, now I know that just because my ego jumps off a metaphorical cliff, I don't have to follow (...my parents would be so proud.  They thought I never listened to those speeches.)

That is the derivation of the image that goes with this post...my ego.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

Monday, March 10, 2014

Somewhere Else

Somewhere Else - Buddhist quote
Somewhere Else
"We always imagine that there's got to be somewhere else better than where we are right now; this is the Great Somewhere Else we all carry around in our heads. We believe Somewhere Else is out there for us if only we could find it. But there's no Somewhere Else. Everything is right here...Make this your paradise or make this your hell. The choice is entirely yours. Really." - Brad Warner

I don't know Brad Warner. Picked this up from my Insight Timer App and it felt like it fit all too comfortably.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Metta Practice and Ego

Metta Practice and Ego
Working with ego has led some interesting places. One discovery was the need to befriend those pesky parts of ego that I would just as soon take residence elsewhere - resistance. The following is a variant of Metta practice that I work with at the end of zazen meditation...

A tender start...

May I love my fear
May I love my frustration
May I love my self doubt
May I love my obsessive thinking
May I love my compulsive doing
May I love my confusion
May I love my awkwardness
May I continuously discover the inner peace, clarity & humor to welcome each moment
May I love myself exactly, exactly as I am. 

A little perspective...

May I observe my fear
May I observe my frustration
May I observe my self doubt
May I observe my obsessive thinking
May I observe my compulsive doing
May I observe my confusion
May I observe my awkwardness
May I continuously discover the inner peace, clarity & humor to welcome each moment
May I observe myself exactly, exactly as I am. 

A little softening...

May I smile at my fear
May I smile at my frustration
May I smile at my self doubt
May I smile at my obsessive thinking
May I smile at my compulsive doing
May I smile at my confusion
May I smile at my awkwardness
May I continuously discover the inner peace, clarity & humor to welcome each moment
May I smile at myself exactly, exactly as I am. 

A lighter heart...

May I laugh with my fear
May I laugh with my frustration
May I laugh with my self doubt
May I laugh with my obsessive thinking
May I laugh with my compulsive doing
May I laugh with my confusion
May I laugh with my awkwardness
May I continuously discover the inner peace, clarity & humor to welcome each moment
May I laugh with myself exactly, exactly as I am. 

A tender heart...

May I love my fear
May I love my frustration
May I love my self doubt
May I love my obsessive thinking
May I love my compulsive doing
May I love my confusion
May I love my awkwardness
May I continuously discover the inner peace, clarity & humor to welcome each moment
May I love myself exactly, exactly as I am. 

and an opportunity to bring awareness to even the smallest separation by repeating this Metta for those we call others... 

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_

The Bow by Caroline Kornfield
The Bow

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Zen Confidential Confessions of a Wayward Monk
Zen Confidential
Confessions of a Wayward Monk
The Book Reviews page has a new review for "Zen Confidential, Confessions of a Wayward Monk." Click here to see the review.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Zazen Practice

Zazen Practice and Enso
Zazen Practice and Enso



We never get it right.
We never get it wrong.
And sometimes we get it.

Namaste and Friendly Bows _/|\_